Six months
by Tamarakv
Summary: This is a post finale fic. What happens to Sam when Andy never shows for a drink? Will his feelings grow cold with her unexplained disappearance or will absence make the heart grow fonder? Written in Sam's pov, plz R
1. Chapter 1

A/N – this is my try at a post finale story, this story will probably be between four to five chapters long. I have most of it outlined, and a good idea of how I want it to go. The story will be from Sam's point of view. This is my first attempt at a multi chapter story, so please, negative or positive; I would appreciate your comments to let me know if I'm taking this story in the right direction. As always, read, review, and enjoy! Also, this story is not batted so all mistakes are mine

Disclaimer- if I owned Rookie Blue, I would be driving a nicer car.

Six months

Chapter 1: that night

Gail and I sat drinking at the penny past last call, between the two of us, we had a few Labatt Blue's and polished off a bottle of tequila while taking turns pretending not to notice the disappointment etched on one another's face each time the door opened and it wasn't Nick or Andy.

"Closing time folks" the bartender called out as he gathered the disregarded glasses and beer bottles that littered the bar and tabletops. I glanced over at Gail just in time to catch her giving a little nod and a self-deprecating smile cross her face. Her usually pale skin was tinged pink with the flush that only a good amount of alcohol can bring, but it was set off by the whites of her eye that were turning red from her un-ushered tears.

"I'm ah...sure something came up." I said shifting my weight a little unsteadily from one foot to the other, not sure if the statement was more for her or me. Gail quickly snapped her head up giving me a pointed glare that seemed to freeze my movements when I turned back from paying.

"Is that what you're telling yourself Swarek? Not me, because unlike you, I choose not to live in a fantasy land. If something comes up then you get a call, you get a text. Wanna know what you get when you've been stood up" she didn't even pause for my response, "hurt pride and a hangover. So face it, the people we wanted a drink with, didn't want a drink with us." In my intoxicated state I must have let more emotion show than normal, because Gail quickly went from defensive to apologetic.

"Sorry. Bitch and selfish is kind of my standard go to; that's why all the rookies hate me right?" She gave a sad little laugh through her nose.

"Nobody actually hates you Gail, you know that." She gave another small shake of her head as we made our way to the door. "I ah...would offer to give you a ride but I don't think I'm in the shape to get behind the wheel, you wanna split a cab?" I saw a small shiver slide down her back that had nothing to do with the cold night air.

"Um, no that's okay I can just walk." I immediately felt like an ass.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Suit yourself." She answered evenly, but I could see the small breath of relief at my offer. We walked in a compatible silence for a good ten minutes before her fragile voice cut through the wind.

"We were going to get married." At my questioning glance Gail elaborated. "Nick and I, it was a long time ago but...we were going to do it. I remember we were sitting at this park late one night, and he was telling me how horrible my taste in movies are, which it's not by the way, anyhow, I was in the middle of defending _'the prince's bride'_ when one of those park splash pad things went off. I turned to Nick with this huge smile on my face and dragged him off the hood of his car and under the water; I know how much he hates getting wet, but I love those things, well use too anyway. They always reminded me of summer and being a kid and that free feeling you get when you're young and running in the backyard. We were laughing and kissing and just...I was happy. And this I will never forget, he looked at me and said: Gail, you're the craziest person I know, I love you..., then he held my gaze and ended with 'marry me?"

She was quite for a moment, lost in that memory of youth and love; I hated myself for it but had to know what went wrong. "So what happened?" The apprehension in my question made my voice sound like sand.

"I said yes, we talked about it for a couple of weeks then decided to elope in Vegas. I packed my bags and sat like a fool waiting for him to help me sneak out of my parents' house so we could go...go and become Mr. & Mrs. Collins. But he never came. About a month later I heard from a friend of his that he had enlisted. He had never even told me he was interested in the army and then..." she shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "Earlier this year was the first time I had seen or heard from him since that night. And here I am once again, waiting. I just...I wasn't always like this, you know closed off and un-trusting. I'm not trying to blame him but, I wasn't always like this."

I was lost for words, this woman who I had always seen as a strong, and no nonsense, tough person was a little broken. I wondered how many of Gail's friends knew this side of her, how many knew this story. As I silently pondered this question Gail's voice broke through once more.

"You know what hurt the most?" She asked never looking at me, I shook my head no. "I tried and tried to make contact with him before I found out about the army, you know, just to talk, try and figure out what went wrong for him...and he just ignored me, it felt like he was telling me that everything we were, everything we could have been, didn't mean anything to him. I really loved him you know, I've never been the type of girl that throws that word around, but I really loved him."

"So what happens now?" I asked as my heart began to speed up as if I was competing in a triathlon. If Gail noticed my nervousness she didn't say so, instead she took a deep breath as she gave her shoulders a sad shrug.

"There are only so many times the same guy can disappoint you, or break your heart till there's nothing left for him to put back together." She offered me a half smile as we reached her house, with no idea how terrified she had made me. "Thanks for tonight, you know the drinks, the walk...listening."

"Don't worry about it." I offered as I turned around to leave.

"But Swarek!" I turned on my heel to face her, "repeat anything and I'll tell everyone I caught you crying into your Blue."

"Got it." I said with a small laugh.

"And I know it's not my business, but...I hope you and Andy work things out, you seem to make her really happy."

"Got it." I said with an era of confidence I didn't really have after tonight." We booth offered smiles that didn't quite meet our eyes, then I turned and headed back towards the penny...I definitely wasn't drunk anymore.

The walk back to my truck seemed to take twice as long with the weight of all I had learned tonight. I knew I had hurt Andy with my absence, I ended things so abruptly and then...and then nothing. If she only knew how I cradle my phone in my hands when she would call, longing to answer, to hear her voice on the other end. I would sit alone shrouded in darkness on my couch reading and rereading her name as it illuminated my screen, watching as it turned to a missed call, bringing my total higher and higher with the coming evenings. She would call once every night for weeks; it pathetically became the highlight of my day in the weeks that followed Jerry's death. In some twisted way it made me feel like I still had her or at the least some kind of a connection to what we were...that if she kept calling than I still had that link to her heart. It was partly in fear that I didn't answer, I didn't know what to say, I've never been that guy who can talk about what I'm feeling. When came to her, I was feeling things I never had before, things I didn't understand. I had already put my foot in my mouth that night in the parking lot, _'maybe someday we can be friends'_ I cringed at the memory of my words. But eventually my nightly missed call stopped.

I remembered that night not too long ago. I had waited in the hall for her after the investigation with SIU. Those guys are ruthless and can really mess with a good cop. I just wanted to know that she was okay. I remember the relief I felt when I saw her walking towards the exit, I fell in step with her and then she knocked the wind out of me..._'that's not your job anymore'_ she said in a tone I had never heard from her before. It stopped me in my tracks, I stood there for at least five minutes, and an all-encompassing fear began to take hold. That night I sat on my couch till the light of an early morning broke through the darkness of my living room, I had my phone clutched tightly in my hand...with no missed call.

I got in my truck and drove by Andy's house, all the lights were off, and so with a heavy heart I drove home. Throwing my keys on the kitchen table, I made a bee line to the couch and fell with an umpf. Slowly I pulled out my phone. In all the nights that she called, she only left me one voicemail, from the night I made the biggest mistake of my life. I could never bring myself to delete it and the masochist in me had to hear it again. I entered my pin and waited as the automated voice informed me that I had one saved message:

_"Hey Sam it's me...Andy. Look I know that you're hurting over Jerry, we all are but...I don't know what happen tonight. Can you just...I don't know, call me, talk to me...help me figure this out. I deserve at least that, I know it might not change anything, but at least I would understand...something." She took a long drawn out breath that still sounded of her tears before she continued. "I love you...bye."_

I didn't even realize the tears that were running down my cheek until they splashed against the screen of my phone. So what if she didn't show tonight, did I really think she would after the month and a half of silence I gave her. I decided then and there I would finally keep my word to her. I wouldn't leave her alone, I would show her every day till she said yes. Show her that even though it scared the crap out of me, that I was in love with her, that I wanted another chance, that I knew now I couldn't live without her in my life, in my bed, in my heart. We would get that dog, and name it Booboo Adler...and it would all start tomorrow. Because I love her...and she told me she loved me...and Andy is not the type of girl that throws those words around. Yea, tomorrow I would bring her breakfast.

TBC...


	2. The Next Day

A/N – Thanks for all the reviews, story and author follows and story favorites, they mean a lot. Here is chapter two, after this chapter there will be a jump in time. Andy will be making an appearance in this story, but it won't be until around chapter four. Thanks again and please enjoy, read and review!

Disclaimer – still not mine….oh how I wish it was

Six months

Chapter 2: the next day

I woke up the next morning with the hangover that Gail had predicted. I rubbed my eyes to prepare them from the sensitivity I knew they would have to the light. Slowly as consciousness awoke my brain to the new day, the painful fog lifted and I was reminded of the job I had to do today. Today I had to start the journey of convincing Andy of how sorry I am, how invested I am in this relationship, that I love her.

With a rejuvenating energy I shouldn't posses, I flung back the covers and headed for the bathroom. After a shower and shave, I stood in front of my closet for far too long debating what to wear like some sixteen year old kid nervously getting ready for a first date. I decided on a navy shirt and a pair of jeans I remembered Andy saying she loved on me. Running out of time to actually make her breakfast, I stopped by her favorite place to pick up some chocolate crescents and coffee. I went to her place hopeful that she would see that my intentions were good, that I meant every word I said yesterday, that even though she didn't show last night I wasn't giving up. As I got out of my truck I saw Andy's mom walking out...great.

"She's not here." She says briskly as she starts to walk past me.

"Claire, it's always a pleasure." I offered condescendingly. At this she turned quickly and stalked towards me.

"I don't know what you're doing here cowboy, but I think you better get in that truck and leave her alone."

"I can't do that."

She offered a humorless laugh before speaking, "oh really, and why is that?"

"Because I'm in love with her." I spoke with an unwavering conviction

"Sure as hell have a funny way of showing that, you walked away for almost two months. Two months with nothing, not a word or any kind of explanation. That's not the kind of love my daughter deserves."

"Who are you to talk? You walked away for years! You left her alone never understanding why. Hell she probably still wouldn't know you lived in Toronto if a case didn't cause your paths to cross. You've been in her life again for all of three months, so I apologize if I don't take advice from you on how to love your daughter."

Claire's eyes grew in anger as I told her off, "you have no right." She said in a grave voice.

"Maybe I don't. All I'm saying is we have both hurt Andy, and I might not deserve her love, but I damn well intend to show her that she deserves to be loved. And God willing, I be the one she lets love her. I know I made a mistake, and I wish I could take it back. I have seen what life is like without her, I can't...I need her Claire, I don't deserve her, but I do love your daughter and I have to get her back."

She looked me over silently for a minute, as if trying to decide if my words held any truth, "I know I've made mistakes, and if I live another thirty years, I probably will still have a few to make up for where Andy is concerned. All I know is that I was here to see how torn apart she was at your leaving her. I don't ever want to see that kind of pain on my baby's face again; you put that pain in her eyes Sam. So I '_apologize_' if your pretty speech doesn't make me a believer."

"I don't need you to believe me, just Andy. And if I ever get another chance to call her mine...I will die before I put that pain in her eyes again. Ma'am" she rolled her eyes and gave a little laugh at my last dig.

"Then good luck to you." She said, and then gave my back a small pat as she walked away. I stood outside of her place for a moment to compose myself. I had not been prepared to defend myself to Andy's mom. After a few deep breaths I turned and made my way to my truck. I still wanted to see Andy before parade.

Walking into the barn I was met with the normal level of busy confusion that comes with shift change. I let my eyes roam over the large room filled with uniforms and suits not seeing the brunette I was looking for, but I did see one that might know where she was.

"Tracy!" I called out causing her to turn quick to the sound of her name. We made eye contact and she started towards me.

"Hey Sam what's up?"

"I ah...have you seen McNally this morning?" I was going for nonchalant, but came off more desperate. She tried but failed to hide a smile.

"Not this morning, I just came from a meeting with the D's. Is that for Andy?" She asked pointing to my extra cup of coffee and white paper bag. The old me would try and play it off, but the new me, the one that knew what it was like not to have Andy anymore, didn't have time for games.

"Yea."

"It's about time." She said in all seriousness. "She might be in the locker room."

"Thanks" I said quickly then turned back to her. "Hey, um, how...how are you doing?" I asked my voice not as strong as I would have liked. She gave me a sad smile as if she knew it was just as hard for me two ask as it was for her to answer.

"Okay...well, I'm gonna be okay. I miss him, I always will. It's the learning how to fit that felling into my everyday life that's the trick...thanks Sam." She added as she gave my wrist a small squeeze then turned to go back to what she was doing. I watched her walk away for a moment before I continued on my search for Andy. As I approached the locker room Rebecca was walking out.

"Swarek" she said in greeting with a slight head nod.

"Hey, is McNally in there?"

"No, sorry I haven't seen her all morning. You better hurry and get changed though parade is in ten." I looked up at the clock on the wall and saw she was right. Damming my bad luck I mumbled an acknowledgement and headed to the men's locker room.

Once in my street blues I took my usual place in the back next to Oliver, we gave each other a shake of our heads in greeting, and I noticed the twinkle in his eyes that told me things with Zoe went well last night. I did a once over the room but didn't see Andy anywhere. Frank walked in to give the morning briefing but I really didn't hear any of it. As the other officer's began to file out and start their shift, I made my way to Frank.

"Officer Swarek, can I help you?" He said as if he already knew what I was going to ask

"I was just wondering if McNally was taking a later shift."

"Actually, because of the events of yesterday I decided she needed a little mandatory time off." I raised my eyebrows at that and tried not to look too disappointed. "Now you better get out there."

As I made my way to make a fresh cup of coffee I scolded myself for being so selfish. Of course Andy would need some time off; she was holding a Grenada less the twelve hours ago. I resolved to just get through this shift and stop by Andy's on the way home. Or I could make my homemade lasagna and pick up some wine to take her. Yea I can do that, today won't be too bad

"So you wanna drive?" I turned to see Dov standing there looking as eager as ever, I take it back, this is going to be a long day.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3 Half a year later

A/N – sorry for the delay in posting, I've had this chapter written for a bit, but couldn't get to a computer to get it posted. I'm a little nervous about this chapter, it's a little depressing for Sam, but I wanted to give an idea of what Andy's absence is doing to him, as well as give my opinion of how he has felt about Andy through the years. Also I drop the F-bomb in this chapter I hope that doesn't offend anyone but it felt right for where he was. As always read, enjoy, and review.

Disclaimer* spoiler alert – I don't own it…

Six months

Chapter 3: half a year later

Six months. It's been six months since I've seen her, 182 days since I've heard her voice, half a year since I told Andy that I love her.

And I'm miserable.

I had never been in love before Andy. Don't get me wrong I've had plenty of girlfriends in my life, I've even cared deeply about a few of them, but this...feeling, was completely new. When Andy literally came bargain into my life I knew that she was something special. Even in those few seconds after she broke down the door, before I made my way down the fire escape, I was captivated. She was obviously gorgeous, and just as obviously nervous...I could tell right off the bat that she was also obviously a rookie. But then this obviously gorgeous, nervous rookie surprised the hell out of me. Taking me down...ME! I had reminded her once before a undercover assignment that I was awesome, and she took me down, which of course meant that she was awesome...but I never told her that that's what I was thinking the whole car ride back to the barn, were Jerry would unknowingly blow my cover. I sat in handcuffs in the back of Ollie's patrol car, my informant to my right thinking, _'this woman is pretty awesome_' I knew right then that she was going to make a great cop. But then I was pissed, I mean eight fucking months of my life wasted because some eager young rookie had something to prove. I remember lying in my own bed that night, which oddly felt strange, and all I could think about was this McNally, of course I told myself then that it was because I was angry with her; it had nothing to do with how beautiful she was. When I couldn't get to sleep that night, I convinced myself that it was because of the feel of my mattress being too nice and I had become accustomed to sleeping on a rock posing as a bed...definitely didn't have anything to do with that disappointed look she had sent me when I turned down her drink offer that night. No it couldn't be that because I didn't like her, so my plan was to talk to Boyko and become her TO so I could make her life a living hell...oh how that plan backfired.

I knew that night she chased me down in that damn parking lot outside of the penny that I found her attractive, who wouldn't? But man, I really wanted to kiss her...we agreed to disregard the almost...whatever it was, I told myself not to worry, she was young and beautiful and eager...what I was feeling was lust, I've been through that before...it would pass...but it didn't. No, the more I rode with McNally, the more I wanted to get to know her, to protect her, to be there for her whenever she needed me. Things were fine for a while, that lustful feeling decided to hang around, but she had Luke, so I knew that she was off limits...which, I told myself at that point, was good. It had to be that whole "_wanting what you can't have_" thing keeping these thoughts and feelings for my rookie from fading away. I knew that given enough time, whatever this was...it would stop.

It didn't, and then one night the lights went out in the city, and Andy killed a man...and I told her that I was there if she wanted to talk. Andy didn't want to talk, to say I was shocked to find one Andrea McNally standing outside my door, asking if I was alone, would be an understatement...but what happen next blew my mind. The moment her lips came crashing down on mine, my whole body lit up with an electric charge that could have powered the city of Toronto for a month. The feel of her pressed against me was indescribable, and as I laid her on my bed, the sensation of her skin...her barely covered chest touching mine...I became nothing more than nerve endings, all firing at once, trying in vain to put to memory the feel of this amazing woman beneath me. But just as quickly as whatever the hell was happing started...it was over. The lights came on and Andy remembered that she had a boyfriend...and that sadly, it wasn't me. I lay in bed that night, another sleepless one thanks to her, knowing that I couldn't be alone in what I was feeling. That whatever had happen, she had to feel that spark to. So even though she left, even though she didn't contact me during her time off, even though she was with Luke...things with her and I were going to change.

But of course they didn't, I was hurt, and maybe a little embarrassed...but mostly I just hated fishing cabins and I truly hated Luke Callahan. I tried to hate Andy I really did; but then there were bullets caught in vest, and collapsed laundry mats and...I kept trying to hate her, and almost did when Frank announced their engagement, but no matter what...she was happy, and I guess that's all that mattered. This time I told myself that it wasn't jealousy at Luke getting to spend his life with Andy that was making me feel this way, but rather, never getting to sleep with her...to you know get it out of my system...that's all. Nothing more. Nothing more but a missed opportunity at getting laid.

God I was so wrong. Of course the unbelievable wave of relief that washed over me at the news of Andy's relationship going to shit should have been my first clue that I felt something more for her then what I'd been telling myself...but, I was still in denial, still going through the motions with her. But what I was feeling, lying in bed alone after the first time with Andy would not be denied.

Coming together with Andy after all these years of wondering, thinking, yes even dream about it...was nothing like I imagined it would be...it was so much more. The moment Andy left my bed I missed her, needed her, and wanted her there. I wanted to feel her wrapped up in my arms and never let her go. I wanted to wake up beside her in the morning and fall asleep beside her at night, all the cheesy things those chick flicks show, I was picturing with her. When it came to making love to her...and for the first time in my life that's what had happened...I was insatiable, hooked, like some horny teenage that just had to have more. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks, or the lights being turned on, a veil was lifted, whatever lame cliché you want to say, that little voice in the back of my mind I kept silencing, spoke up loud and clear...I realized...

I was in love with Andy McNally. I had been for longer then I care to admit.

And it scared the living shit out of me. What was I supposed to do with that? I couldn't tell her...I mean...I had never said those words to a woman in my life...I definitely never felt them before. She was engaged to another man just a few months ago for God's sake! I decided to just push those feelings down, I would find a way to deal with them when I understood them better, knew what to do with them. Yes, until then I would do what I had been doing my whole life, push my feelings aside and focus on the here and now...maybe I would tell her later, when I knew what she wanted, when I found a way to say them out loud without being overcome with this crippling fear.

I wish I was there again, in that moment of realization. Maybe I would do things differently. Maybe I wouldn't hold back my feelings, or maybe I would say those three little words back to her when she said them the first time. I definitely wouldn't break up with her, and then turn around and ignore her. If I could see her I would just fall to the floor, begging her to try this again. I would hold her and never let her go.

But instead I was an idiot, a selfish man who let his fear and hurt keep him from happiness with the only woman I have ever loved, will ever love.

So here I am...missing her ,wanting her, needing her more than anything I can think of. Here I am...half a year later...with no end in sight. Siting on my couch with a beer in my hand, a memory in my heart, and a phone to my ear listening to a message I still can't bring myself to delete...

"Hey Sam it's me...Andy. Look I know your hurting..."

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4 Day 183

Six months

Chapter 4: day 183

It's not always like last night, flooding myself with memories and beer, asking all of "the what if's" of Andy's and my relationship. Most nights I healthily spend around friends and other officers at the penny, or even around a poker table. I go to work, eat, sleep, and socialize with the guys, even workout when I can get it in. But last night made six months without her, so I allowed myself to do a little wallowing in misery and reflection. I had earned it.

I realized after about two weeks that the mandatory leave was a cover. Around the same time, I stopped driving by her house hoping she was home. At six weeks I got a taste of what I put Andy through and just kicked myself for all the time I wasted afraid of what I was feeling. At five months, I realized that the three months we spent apart last summer was nothing. And yesterday? Well yesterday I was just miserable. But today, today is a new day...another day and I had to face it.

I got out of bed after hitting the snooze on my alarm one to many times. But with no active cases I don't really have to be there right away. About a month into Andy's "leave", Frank approached me about becoming a detective, I asked him to give me a couple of days to think about it. I remember how I went back and forth about my decision. I love working the streets, but I missed riding with Andy, the other cops at 15 are great, but I have never had the same connection with a riding partner as I had with her. UC work just didn't have the same draw as it once did...not since a certain brown eyed girl tackled me in an alleyway. There was a rumor about an opening in guns and gangs coming up at the time, but once again Andy was in the back of my mind. What if I transferred and she came back...ugh, if this was what being in love did to someone, a part of me began to wish I wasn't. So after two days I approached Frank and began taking the classes to become a D. I knew that Andy must have been assigned to Callaghan's task force, the timing of her leave paired with Collins "special oops" request from the army was easy to see though, especially with as many UC assignments I've done. I was hopefully that maybe a would be in a position to find out what Andy was involved in, or were she was...That was a dead end. Callahan would never confirm anything, but in my gut I knew it was a stretch. Oliver was surprised with my decision, but I think he understood, I remember the day he found out.

"I don't know brother," he began "you don't look great in suits; you're more of a tee-shirt and jeans kind of guy. In fact don't you only own one suit?" He questioned as we sat around the penny after shift.

"So I'll go shopping." I said as I took a long sip of my now lukewarm beer.

"There's another problem, I've been shopping with you...it's not pretty."

"Hey walking around for hours, watching you trying to find the perfect _'thanks for taking me back'_ gift for Zoe could drive anyone crazy." I jabbed back

"Touché my friend. So..." he began a little nervously, "how much of this is for you, and how much of it is because of her?" Andy. We both let her name hang silently in the air for a moment. Oliver was probably the only person with enough balls to bring the subject of Andy up to me, even if it was covertly.

"That's a good question, part of is because of her." I answered after a pregnant pause. "I wish I could say it wasn't but...it's time for a change, you know...I just, it's time for a change." He threw his hands up in defense.

"Hey if this is what you want then I support you brother."

"Thanks" I offered slightly surprised he gave up so quickly

"But you know, Noelle is gonna kick your ass when she finds out." I laughed at that

"I'm looking forward to it."

As I got out of my truck I heard Nash calling me. "Directive Swarek!" I smiled at her joke standing still as I waited for her to approach.

"That's never gonna get old for you is it Nash?" I asked as I took the pre-offered cup of coffee

"I'm sure it will lose its shine eventually...rookie" she added with a smile.

"Hey," I said defensively, "you've only got a few months on me, is such derogatory name calling necessary?"

"It most definitely is. Come on we got a body drop."

"And there sending us?" I questioned

"Well, it sounds pretty straight forward. A couple of cops ended up having to take down a suspect while in pursuit, their still at the scene. So I guess they assumed a couple of rookie directives could handle it without screwing up too much."

"Have I ever told you how much I enjoy working with you?" I asked as we headed towards the car "and I'm driving."

Nash rolled her eyes as she passed me the keys. "Once or twice, but it never hurts to hear it again...and I don't care"

She gave me the address and we headed towards the crime scene. I really did enjoy working with Nash. She had great instincts and was shaping up to be a damn fine detective; I knew Jerry would have been proud of her. I could still see the pain behind her eyes when something reminded her of him, somehow being around Nash made me feel closer to Andy, I hoped that maybe I did the same for her when it came to Jerry.

We arrived at the scene and were met with the usual, first responder cops, medical examiner, and an ambulance. "What have we got Shaw?" Nash asked Oliver as he approached looking a little uncomfortable.

"Gail and I just arrived, so we probably know just as much as you. Two suspects were chased into this warehouse, they began to shoot and officers were forced to return fire, one guy is just wounded catching one to the shoulder, the other got one to the chest. They tried to save him but..." I noticed that he looked a little ashen, and seemed to be looking at me even though Nash was the one asking the questions. Just then I saw Gail walking by looking as if she had seen a ghost.

"Peck" I called after her but she just kept walking. I turned back to Oliver, concerned I asked "what's her problem?"

"Listen brother..." whatever he was going to say faded into the background as I looked over towards the ambulance just in time to see a paramedic move from behind his truck and a pair of warm brown eyes locked with mine.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5 The Day They Meet Again

Six months

Chapter5: the day they meet again

Andy. She was back. My heart stopped at the sight of her, my brain unable to process thought. She was back, here, and right there, alive and beautiful. One hundred and eighty-three days of not knowing, of not being able to talk to her, see her...and she was right there...ten feet away from where I was standing.

I had thought about this moment for months now, I would spot her from across the way and a smile would light up my face, she would reciprocate, offering a shy smile of her own as our bodies were drawn to each other like two magnets unable to fight the force pulling us together. I would wrap her small frame in my arms as she jumped into my embrace, she would offer a nervous smile as I told her how much I missed her, I would kiss her for the first time in forever, relishing the feel and taste of her lips on mine. I would tell her that I loved her, and this time there wouldn't be a life or death situation to act as my catalyst for finally admitting my feelings for her. No this time I would look her in the eyes and tell her how I felt. Yea, I had pictured this moment for months...and I wish to God that's how it had played out.

Instead as I took my first step towards her I froze, my mouth went dry as fear took over my body and moved me without my permission in the opposite direction. I vaguely heard Nash say something about _not to worry, she'd take care of it_. I assume she was talking about the crime scene, but in all honesty I couldn't be sure. I walked blindly until I stumbled upon Peck sitting at a vacant bus stop. Taking a deep breath I quietly sat down beside her, she didn't acknowledge my presence, and I didn't expect her to. We sat there, each silently looking straight ahead. An ominous reenactment of that night we spent waiting at the bar six months ago, I heard her take in a shaky breath before she spoke.

"You'd think after six months I would have been more prepared." Without speaking I shook my head in agreement. "It's funny because I've been thinking about him constantly since the night he didn't show at the penny, but then when I least expect it...guess I wasn't as ready as I thought." Once again I just shook my head. "I'm angry, are you angry?" I shrugged my shoulders noncommittally without saying a word. "Well I think I'm angry. I get that he couldn't exactly tell me anything...but he should have told them not to go with the army as his cover story, he should have thought about what that would do to me." We continued to sit quietly for a moment longer until Gail said something I definitely wasn't expecting, "Do you think they slept together?"

"What!?" I spoke immediately and turning to face her. "No! Why would I?"

"Well I mean, it's been six months, just the two of them." She answered like it was the most obvious conclusion.

"They were working." I offered indignantly.

"Weren't you working when you and McNally hooked up?"

"That's not the same thing and you know it." My expression showed no room for argument.

"I'm just saying..."

"Yea well don't." I interrupted standing as anger flooded my body. "You don't know what happened, or what they were working on. So let's try not to jump to conclusions here."

"Yea well you don't know either!" She spoke definitively. "Did you know that he was her '_brake-up buddy'_?" She questioned

"Her what?"

"Brake-up buddy, he offered after she showed him some stupid book that suggested it to help her get over you. Sounds like the perfect way to lay the ground work for a hook up to me, you know the whole be your shoulder to cry on thing, and then who does she turn to when she's ready to move on..."

"That's enough Peck!" I interrupted once again, "your feelings for Collins might have changed but I'm still in love with her."

"Then what the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm scared to death that she doesn't feel the same anymore." I answered in defeat as I lowered myself back to the bench. "I'm scared that she can't forgive me for just walking away without any explanation, that I waited too long to tell her how I feel. I'm scared that I walked away from the only good thing I had in my whole fucked up life. And I'm scared that if this is what six months without her love is like, that I might not survive a lifetime without it." A sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a moan escaped my lips without permission. "I guess I just wanted a few more moments of not being sure before I found out where I stand with her...that's what I'm doing here." I finished as I rubbed my hands down my face in frustration.

"You're still in love with her?" She asked with all sincerity

"Yea, I am." Peck sat there worrying her lip before she spoke.

"Do you think...before he left, he said if we were apart he would miss me, do you think after all this time...he could still have feelings for me?" Her voice was filled with fear.

"I can't answer that for you." She shook her head in a defeated understanding, but I wasn't done. "However I can tell you that if he feels even a half of what I feel for Andy, then I don't see how six months apart from you would change that." She gave a genuine smile as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Six months apart didn't change my feelings for Nick either. So maybe you shouldn't be so scared." She stood and nodded towards the crime scene, "I'm gonna head back."

"Yea, I'm right behind you" I sat there a little longer, trying to find comfort in Gail's words. But I remembered how Andy had told me that I was too late, that she didn't care anymore...and how she was gone before I had the chance to prove to her that I meant everything I said that night.

"Hi" her soft voice broke into my contemplation. I turned almost expecting her not to be there, as if my mind was playing tricks on me. But there she was her hair was pulled back, but her bangs lay gently on her brow, framing her face and causing her big brown eyes to stand out. I rose to my feet but didn't come any closer afraid she might just disappear.

"Hey" I offered lamely, wishing my voice came out stronger, my heart hammering violently in my chest. We stood there locked in place, neither one daring to speak first. I finally decided to break the stalemate. "Guess I know now why you didn't show for drinks." I said with a broken laugh at my attempt to break the ice. She gave a small chuckle of her own.

"Yea, well..." we were stuck in another uncomfortable silence before I heard her voice again. "You're a suit now, patrol lost your interest?"

"Something like that." Was all the answer I offered, I couldn't tell her that I missed riding with her, that her being gone broke something inside of me...that I needed a change if for no other reason than to escape the self-sentenced torture I'd sent myself to since the day I realized she was gone. But then again, I thought to myself, keeping my feelings bottled up is what got me in trouble in the first place. Just as I was getting the nerve to tell her just how much I missed her she spoke.

"Listen there done with me here...but um, I have to go back, you know fill out some paperwork, tie up loose ends and all of that and I didn't want to just leave...but I was hoping that, that is if you're not busy, you might want to come over tonight after shift...you know to talk or you know not that's fine...I'm rambling but..."

"Yea, no, um I'd love too, around six or seven okay?" I couldn't read her but was hoping this was a good sign.

"Yea that's great, I'll just...see you then...then" I offered a smile and squeezed my fist to restrain from enveloping her in a hug.

"Yea, see you then." She smiled again and then turned to leave...I wasn't ready to watch her go. "It's great to have you back McNally." I called after her. She looked over her shoulder and gave me the first genuine smile I had seen from her that day...hell in almost eight months.

"It's good to be back Sam." And with that she walked away, as I began to smile the first real smile in just as long.

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6 The Night They Talked

A/N – So here is the conclusion to my first multi chapter story, I hope that everyone has enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Thanks once again for all of the reviews, story alerts and author follows, they meant a lot to me. I hope that you like the final chapter of "six months" and that it meets any expectations … I have to admit that I was very nervous about posting this so no matter what the outcome, please post a review to let me know what you thought. Thank-you!

Six months

Chapter 6: the night they talked

I stood outside her door nervously at a quarter till seven, my palms were sweaty with anticipation of what this talk could mean...the final start to the only relationship I want, or a bitter goodbye that I might never recover from. I had debated getting flowers, but then realized I had never gotten her flowers before, and if this was just her way of letting me down easy then I feared that they would scare her off before I had a chance to plead my case so I opted to start were I was a hundred and eighty three days ago. With one more deep breath I lifted my fist to knock, as I heard her approach I lost a little nerve and sat the gift I had gotten her to the side.

"Hey" she said as she opened the door. Her chestnut locks were hanging loosely in a wave down her shoulders; she was wearing an olive green shirt that complimented her skin color, and dark jeans that complimented everything else. Seeing her in the flesh after so long, I was at a loss for words. "Do you want to come in?" She asked awkwardly

"What? Oh right, I mean yea of course." I said flushing in embarrassment. 'Great start Swarek' I berated myself silently, "you...ah, you look great Andy." She looked down at herself, but not before the hint of rosy cheeks could escape my attention, immediately making me feel better. I lifted the white paper bag and to-go coffee, "um...this is for you." She gave me a confused look as she took the pre-offered goodies from my hand. Opening the bag she was puzzled as to its contents and looked up at me for answers. I immediately felt stupid.

"It's um...a chocolate crescent, and coffee."

"I know, why?" I gave a small uncomfortable laugh

"The um...last time we spoke I told you I would make you dinner, but I thought I would start with breakfast. I know I didn't make this but ah...that was the breakfast I brought for you the next day, you never got it so...it was stupid..." I began to backpedal before she cut me off.

"No, no I think that's sweet." I breathed a sigh of relief at her words. "Do you want a beer? I'm just gonna.." she lifted the bag and coffee towards her kitchen.

"Uh yea that'd be great thanks." man this felt weird or forced, definitely not us. I took a seat and she returned shortly handing me a beer then took the chair across from me.

"So" she began

"So" I replied

"This is awkward isn't it" she was right, I didn't want things to be awkward, I didn't want her sitting across the room from me; I wanted to hold her and see her smile.

"Yea, guess we should call the hambulance." She laughed. She laughed hard like she was getting out all her nervous energy

"Thank you"

"Anytime"

"I just, I wanted to explain where I was six months ago, why I made the decisions I made. And I need you to not interrupt or I might not get it all out."

"Okay" I said and swallowed roughly. She took a deep breath before speaking.

"I was mad at you." She began and I deserved that. "At first I was hurt, hurt and just really sad. I called you the night you ended things, and when you didn't answer or call me back I told myself that it was okay, that you were going through a lot and didn't know how to deal, that you would talk to me eventually. But then a couple of days turned into a week and then that turned into a month, then when you said you wanted to talk that day...I had this glimmer of hope that you were ready and you asked me for your keys back." I watched as a single tear broke free and ran down her cheek. I wanted kiss that tear away, to never be the cause for any tear she shed. "And that's when I started getting mad. I kept calling and you kept ignoring me...so I made myself stop caring." Another tear escaped and I could feel my own trying to spill over. "And then...you told me you loved me, I know I said you didn't have to say it back but...I had been waiting to hear those words from you for so long, but not just for you to say them but to mean them, really mean them..."

"I did, I do" I couldn't help interrupting.

"I was holding a bomb Sam," she continued exasperated, "you thought there was a good chance I was going to die, so you what...that's not even..." Andy closed her eyes and took a steading breath before she continued. "Look when you finally _'declared your feelings'_ "she said sarcastically. "I had so much hurt and anger inside, at you and how you just walked away from us. Then you made that speech...and I wanted to believe you, God knows I did. But a bigger part of me was scared that if I just went back...you would do it again...leave when things got hard and I...I couldn't go through that again. After you walked away Luke offered me a place on the task force and only gave me five minutes to decide, I took it...not just to get away from us or you, but to prove to everyone and myself that I could do it. We left that night, I'm sorry it ended up being so long, and I'm sorry that I didn't have the chance to let you know...but it'd be a lie if I said I was sorry when I made the decision.

"Is it my turn now?" I asked when she seemed finished. She shook her head and I stood up and made my way to her. Bending on my knees I took her hand in mine. Taking a shaky breath I began.

"I am in love with you Andy McNally. And I have been in love with you for longer then I care to admit. Way longer then when you were holding a bomb, before you said that you loved me in my truck. To be honest, I was in love with you when you were with Luke; I know I had feelings for you after you blew my cover after eight months, albeit not all of those feelings were nice ones." I joked

"Never gonna let that go are you?" She asked with a smile. My face went serious.

"Why would I? That day changed my life forever, for the better." Silent tears rolled down her face and I reached up to catch them with my thumb. "Knowing you, being with you...I was feeling things I never have before, and I didn't know what do with that...a part of me still doesn't, but I know I made a mistake, trust me I know it. I wish I could tell you what I was thinking that night, but I have no idea. I can tell you that I was scared...I ah...I've never been in love before, I've been tortured, shot at, befriended gang-members and drug dealers...but being in love with you...it scared me."

"Why?" She asked on a whisper

"I'm really not good at this whole talking about your feelings thing..." I said not sure if I could explain myself

"Try"

"Okay." I took a cleansing breath and began. "It has always been just my sister and me, after what happened to her...when I was old enough to understand...I was mad at the world, to know that bad things like that could happen to people like her. She was this vibrant, exuberant, beautiful person, she was happy and trusting. Then one day I wake up and my world was completely different from the one I went to sleep in. Sarah wasn't happy any more, she was scared all the time, she didn't trust anyone. I did everything I could to try and catch a glimpse of the sister I knew...but nothing worked. After that I wasn't mad at the world any more, I was mad at myself, I couldn't protect her from those guys before...and I couldn't protect her from herself after. I think I closed off a part of myself after that, afraid of letting people get to close." I gave a grim laugh with my pause, "Jerry was actually the first person that cracked that wall, and you know I loved him like a brother. And then there's you, this just amazing, beautiful, strong person and you just kept pushing your way in here" I took my fist and pounded it against my chest. "I had no idea what to do with that...and when we were together, I was the happiest I've been since waking up in that new world...I think a part of me kept waiting for that other shoe to drop...then when Jerry died, it was like I was that nine year old boy again...waking up and finding that bad things happen to people who don't deserve it...to people I care about...and I couldn't watch something happen to you. I was so scared of losing you that I pushed you away. It was stupid, and it doesn't make any sense...but I loved you then, and I'm in love with you now, I'll be in love with tomorrow and every day after that. I missed you so much Andy...and I meant what I said that night...if you let me I will show you every day till you say yes."

There I had said all I could say, all I could do was hope that it was enough. We stared at each other, the silence deafening, seconds felt like hours as I waited for her response to my heart felt confession. When I thought I couldn't take it anymore she spoke.

"Yes" another whisper of a word

"Yes?" She shook her head in the affirmative, and a smile broke out across my face that would cause my cheeks to ache for days. Doing what I had been dreaming of for months I gathered her in my arms and kissed her. When our lips touched for the first time in what felt like a life time, I felt it, that same explosion of electricity as that night of the blackout. When she opened her mouth to mine it was like a rebirth, or coming home. The feel of her silken lips against mine, the familiar taste that was uniquely Andy, it made me question my sanity, I feared I would open my eyes to discover that this had just been another dream, that I was still living in a world of regret...in a world without her.

As we came up for air I rested my forehead against hers, relishing the fact that I could. "I missed you" she spoke softly

"God I missed you. I love you" I bent down the few inches capturing her lips once more, as we pulled apart she whispered to me once again.

"Let's go to bed" my heart skipped a few beats, not having to be told twice I reached for her hand and started towards her bedroom, suddenly I stopped in my tracks. "What?" She asked curiously looking around.

"I have something for you." She gave me a puzzled look, "stay right here." I turned to leave, and then quickly turning back I cupped her cheek. "I love you" she gave me a small smile as her eyes gave me a questioning gaze. "What can I say, now that I've popped that cork..."

"Go get my present." She said as she slapped my chest with a huge smile.

"Goooiiinnng" I spoke in a sing song voice as I made my way to her door. Opening it, I plucked the small gift and hid it behind my back. "Andy," I said in all seriousness as I pulled the stuffed dog from hiding and placed in in her hands. "I'd like you to meet boo." Her lips turned up in a goofy grin and she rolled her eyes.

"Cute"

"Thanks" I said batting my eyes

"I meant the dog" I offered an offended expression as I plucked the toy from her grasp and tossed it across the room.

"I love you Andy."

"I know" and I vowed to myself in that moment that she would know that every day for the rest of her life, because absence might make the heart grow fonder...but having Andy McNally in my arms made me stronger, and everything in my life better.

The End


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